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The following was written by my wife Eve and republished here due to Posterous shutting down.

Nine Days of Detox

As the title suggests, I will be embarking on nine days of detox, starting this Sunday. I have wanted and needed this for a long time so when I found out that my man is going away on a week-long-trip, I got right in there and booked some annual leave. This way I cannot blame anything or anyone for distracting me from my goals. I am fully aware that it will be hard and likely very painful at times, but the end result(s) should be worth the effort.


Over the last few years, I have amassed a scarily huge amount of possessions. Nine years ago, I came to this country with one suitcase. Now, I have masses and masses of stuff. My one-bedroom flat feels tiny, due to being cluttered with… junk? treasures? I am not sure what to call it but one thing is certain — every surface is junked up by stuff. Every cupboard, every wardrobe, every shelf, every single drawer is full, ready and willing to burst at any point.

I believe this is due to several factors — I am a hoarder by nature, having watched my mum collect all sorts of stuff that ‘may come in handy one day’, such as boxes, wrapping, random bits of stationery, those paper bags you get in large department stores instead of plastic carrier bags, oh and, among other crap things, I mustn’t forget the… drumroll please… Washing Machine Door (WMD). The WMD incident was quite possibly the most epic fail of my mum’s hoarding career. The one and only time I attempted to use my mum’s washing machine, the door came off and remained safely in my hand as I tried to close it. Mum had it replaced but the engineer wouldn’t take the old WMD away as he couldn’t recycle it. He reassured mum it is okay to throw the WMD away, as there honestly is no use under the sun for it. However, my mum being my mum, kept the WMD for several years in the closet — she was hoping that, one day, someone may be in need of some amazing object to save the day, and she would then magically fish it out and nonchalantly present it to the person in need, and it would be exactly what they needed, and they would be grateful to my mum till their dying day… and they lived happily ever after. So for years, the WMD lived in mum’s closet, was in the way, had to be moved every time mum tried to get to the things she actually was using. One day, mum was doing a spring clean (no mean feat when you are a hoarder), and decided to throw the WMD. She took it to the bin but was later overcome with remorse and regret, and returned to the bin to — you guessed it — retrieve it (under the cloak of night, so neighbours wouldn’t see her). The WMD lived in the closet for a few more weeks, until mum got angry at herself and eventually chucked it (!!!). She was so chuffed with herself for not going back for it that she phoned me and we had a little de-brief and an over-the-phone pat on the back. Two months later, she came to see me and we visited the Chelsea Flower Show, where there was a display of weird garden sculptures made entirely of WMDs. No, I don’t think she would like to make a sculpture with the WMD but the sheer rage at finding a use for it must have smarted quite a bit. I think mum feels the pang of regret over chucking it to this day — but I am not sure, as the WMD is strictly off-topic. As it must never be mentioned again, I shall never know for sure.

On top of being a natural hoarder, I also have good reasons to be in possession of so many things. As I have gone from size 12 to size 22+, I have clothes that vary in size — actually, I am lying. I have wardrobes full of every size between 12 and 22. And cupboards. And dressers. And chests of drawers. And storage boxes. :|

The next nine days will be spent decluttering, organising, tidying up, cleaning and sprucing up the place so it looks more like a home and less like a charity shop. A 5-foot Christmas tree and 200 baubles, anyone? Yes, I know it’s July. But Christmas in December is so mainstream.

Weight loss

On top of collecting stuff, I have also collected a lot of unwanted pounds — something I have already explained in one of my previous posts. What I haven’t really explained is my vast knowledge about nutrition. It is a bit of a hobby, as most fat people (sorry, I really don’t want to call us overweight — we are fat, end of story, no need to pretty it up) will readily agree. Some of us know the exact calorie content of every food under the sun, others will know everything there is to know about digestion. I don’t believe in calories — never have. But I do find the human body fascinating, both how it works, how it gets ill, and how it fuels up through foodstuffs. Isn’t it amazing how God created all these foods for us which give us optimum nutrition and are a perfect, clean, energy source? Even more amazing how we as humans go and corrupt these, process them into something rather different, and then get addicted to it, and as a bonus ensure that everyone around us does, too. But that’s a different story altogether. Don’t let me go on a food-rant! EVER!

I am going to take bits of what I know about food, nutrition, and exercise from different approaches and paste these into something that loosely resembles an ecclectic action plan. I will be describing this in more depth, later, and will be posting updates of how my plan is being implemented and whether it is working etc, as I go.

There are a few ways to lose weight safely, and I have tried and tested these before (among all the myriads of ways that are either dangerous, or don’t work, or both). I will be looking for the common ground and will be using this as the basis of my nutrition. The approaches I will be hand-picking from will be juicing, alkaline diet, the 90-day food combining diet, and common sense.

In terms of exercise, I will be aiming at starting with one hour of exercise per day, to be gradually increased to 2hrs or more. By exercise I don’t mean a leisurely stroll around the shops, but something — anything — that raises my heartbeat enough to make me sweat. I will be looking at a combination of cardio and weight-training at the gym, swimming, rebounding, yoga, and good old gardening/cleaning/housework. I want to look into what Peak 8 exercise is, but to tell the truth, reading anything to do with exercise bores me to death so this may not happen quite so soon.
Healthy supplements
I will be supplementing my diet with various things, from green grass powders through muscle-building supplements, vitamins, healty fats, all the way to clay (yes, soil, dirt, mud, whatever you want to call it — it’s great stuff!). I will detail these shortly.
Water and air
I am also planning to be on a strict fluids regime, looking at a daily intake of 6–8 litres of fluids. Both my drinking water and the air in my bedroom will be ionized for maximum benefit.
Mind and Spirit
During these nine days, I shall not be wasting my time on mindless crap. Hence I will not be watching telly (I don’t watch much anyway), I will not be spending hours on facebook or failblog or anything that doesn’t contribute value to my life in some way. I will read my Bible. I will speak to my friends and loved ones. I will have some well-deserved me-time. I will go for a walk with my music. I will have a full-body massage.

I am a person of extremes, and when I say detox, I mean it in more than one way.
Clear aims
At the end of the nine days, I shall take stock of my achievements and sum it up on here. This way I can always come back and have a little read-through for motivation and reminder. The plan, however, is to come away cleansed. Cleaner, leaner, stronger body, healthy, focused and uncluttered mind, peaceful spirit, decluttered home, and a happy me! And as if all this wasn’t reward enough, my lovely man will be back from his trip and we’ll hopefully enjoy some high quality time together.